56 | Kristian Stanfill: A Long Walk With God

Since the late '90's / early 2000's, Passion Music has been blessing the Church with song after song to sing together. And one of its primary worship leaders is our guest Kristian Stanfill.

Kristian is the voice you've heard on songs like "One Thing Remains," "Death Was Arrested," "Glorious Day," and "Come to Jesus." He is a passionate, enthusiastic worshipper and worship leader who leads at Passion conferences and at his home church, Passion City Church in Atlanta.

There's another part of Kristian's life that became known over the past few years. In November 2020, a few of his closest friends confronted Kristian about his alcoholism. What had started as a crutch/escape from stress and difficult emotions had developed into an addiction and was out of control. What happened next is an amazing story of grace, healing, and recovery.

After stepping out of the spotlight for a couple years, Kristian released Make It Out Alive, an album of songs written in his time with God in recovery. More recently he released Come to Jesus, a new collection of worship songs and real-life encouragements.

Kristian lives in Atlanta with his wife Kerri and their kids.

#kristianstanfill #passionmusic #cometojesus #makeitoutalive #worship #passion #gospel #grace #awaken #awakenrecovery #awakenpodcast #whatwereallywant #wwrw  #connection #conversation

Kristian's website
Passion Music website
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Chapters

• 0:00 Intro & Welcome
• 3:39 Todd Fields talks about Kristian Stanfill
• 7:05 Catching up with Kristian Stanfill
• 11:28 Younger years, developing as a leader
• 17:58 Kristian's experience with addiction
• 24:58 Early recovery...what changed?
• 28:03 Taking a long walk with God
• 33:34 Writing & recording Make It Out Alive
• 36:45 The moments that change us
• 42:11 Asking Todd's question
• 46:05 Say It That Way & the new record
• 53:11 Wrapping Up & Thanks

Transcript

Kristian Stanfill: 0:00

I knew that hell was taking so much from so many other people and lying to so many other people. And and they felt alone in it. They felt isolated, like they were the only ones. Like I felt like I was the only one. And I thought, man, I just want to blow that whole thing up and go, this is me. This was my struggle for a long time. But God is delivering me and He can deliver you too.

Announcer: 0:22

Welcome to What We Really Want. Conversations about connection. Settle in and get ready for a great conversation. Let's talk about what we really want.

Greg: 0:35

Happy New Year, everybody, and welcome to another episode of What We Really Want. This is our first conversation of 2026, and I can't tell you how excited I am for you to hear it. This is episode 56. It's called A Long Walk with God, and our guest is Kristian Stanfill. I know that name's going to be familiar to a lot of you, especially if you listen to Passion recordings. Kristian has been one of the primary worship leaders with passion for many, many years. You know, there's a part of Kristian's life that, like many of us, was kept secret for a long time. And he's been talking about it a good bit over the last five years. In November of 2025, Kristian celebrated five years of sobriety from alcohol. That was something that he had an unhealthy, addictive relationship with for a long time. You're going to hear us talk a good bit about that in our conversation, how much destruction alcohol brought into his life and the secrets and just the compartmentalization and how it was so contrary to the way that he was made and wanting to live. And that is 17 years to the day of my fan day. That's when everything hit the fan for me in 2009, when a secret I'd been keeping for well over 20 years came into the light, involuntarily, I might add. As devastating as that was, and if you've listened to previous episodes, you've heard Stacy and me talk about it. As devastating as it was, it was the beginning of so many good things and so much freedom and so much grace and love and life. And so I'm so grateful that I got to celebrate this day that was such a meaningful marker in my life by sharing this conversation with you that I got to have with Kristian. There's just so much that God wants to do in our stories. And depending where on the timeline you are, you might be at a place where it's feeling pretty hopeless, pretty dark. You may be on the other side of that. But I just want you to know that if we lean into connection, if we lean into authenticity, transparency, honesty, as terrifying as that is, there's always something better waiting on the other side. And I'm not saying that you won't have to walk through pain or difficulty or consequences, but it's always better living in the light than living in secret. And so I hope this conversation that you get to listen to between Kristian and myself will comfort you, will encourage you, maybe challenge you in all the right ways in order to just get on that path that we need to be on, the path pursuing true connection. And to kick off the conversation, I wanted to enlist the help of someone that I've gotten to know recently and just come to love a lot, somebody who knows Kristian a lot better than I do, and that's our friend Todd Fields. And so I got to spend a few minutes chatting with Todd and asking him about how he got to know Kristian and just getting him to say a few kind things and even help me come up with some questions to ask. Todd, how are you doing?

Todd Fields: 3:41

Good, bud. Good to be on with you. It's good to be back after after an episode just to hang out with you for a minute.

Greg: 3:46

I know it's so it's so much fun. And we're gonna be talking to Kristian Stanfill, and I don't know really many people who know him better than you do.

Todd Fields: 3:55

Well, I uh first heard Kristian's name. It was probably early 2000s. Uh we were involved in a ministry at North Point called 722 with Louis Giglio and a bunch of other friends, and I heard rumors of this guy that was at Sanford University, he was leading at a at a youth camp down at the beach in Panama City, and everybody's like, man, this guy's got it feels like a gift and a call in his life. And so finally met Kristian. He ended up not, you know, soon after that, jumping in to lead 722 with me and some other guys. And I've just always, I mean, we spent a good many years together doing that and just leading people night after night. And I've just always loved his fire and his passion to follow Jesus and to lead people to Jesus. We've reconnected over the past five years and just gone on some pretty deep, on a pretty deep journey together and a healing journey together with some other guys and with worship circle. And it's just been an honor to reconnect with my brother after that shared, you know, experience so many years ago, and find that, you know, we're we're both just still wanting more of Jesus, wanting more of healing. Yeah. And it's been an honor to be doing this work again with him. He's a dear friend.

Greg: 5:09

Well, you've known him for a lot longer than I have and have have done a lot more life with him. What is a question you think would be cool for me to ask him?

Todd Fields: 5:19

Yeah, I the thing that I love about Kristian is man, he just has a zest and a zeal for life and for Jesus. He always has. It's almost as if he's got another gear. And when it comes to leading worship, like he was always the guy that man, he's just going for it. He's just that's just his heart, man. He's he's extremely gifted and and called by God to gather people to worship Jesus from all nations. And I just I've seen that on his life since he was in college, you know. So I I always ask him, like, you know, how do you keep that going from day to day? What's your what are you looking at consistently in your daily practice and rhythms to keep you able to be a hundred percent like be authentic about that passion for Jesus from the stage, you know?

Greg: 6:09

Yeah, boy, that's a great question to ask. I'm gonna definitely bring that up.

Todd Fields: 6:13

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Greg: 6:14

Well, Todd, I again, I can't thank you enough for taking some time to get on here with me and and help me introduce Kristian. I have wanted to have him on the show for well over a year and finally got the opportunity to ask him in person when it would be really awkward for him to say no. So thank you for putting on the rest retreat so I could back him into a corner.

Todd Fields: 6:33

No, I'm just glad you guys connected and that you have some history. That's beautiful.

Greg: 6:37

Me too. Well, thanks for helping us set this up.

Todd Fields: 6:40

You bet he's a good friend.

Greg: 6:41

He is, and it's great to see you.

Todd Fields: 6:43

Thanks, bud.

Greg: 6:44

I so appreciate Todd taking some time to get on and say kind things about Kristian and help us get this conversation set up. The wait is over. Without further ado, here it is, episode 56. It's called A Long Walk with God. Our special guest is Kristian Stanfill. I cannot wait for you to hear this conversation, which starts right now.

Greg: 7:06

Kristian Stanfill, thanks for being on What We Really Want.

Kristian Stanfill: 7:09

Yeah, great to be with you, man. Great to see you.

Greg: 7:12

It was uh really cool last month. We're recording this in November, and so in October, my wife Stacy and I got to be at the rest retreat in Stone Mountain, Georgia, and you were there, and you and I got to chat briefly and kind of reintroduce ourselves to each other because we'd met before. And I wasn't sure if you'd remember, but you did. Yeah.

Kristian Stanfill: 7:34

Birmingham, Alabama. That's it. That's it.

Greg: 7:36

You spent a lot of time in Birmingham.

Kristian Stanfill: 7:38

Yes, I did. My wife and I went to Sanford University for a couple of years, and then one of my best friends from high school, Troy Gambrell, he was the youth pastor at a church there. Where I was the worship pastor. Where you where you were the worship pastor, and he did, you know, every year he would do this weekend conference dean now type thing called elevation. And we we were there probably three or four years in a row and had the best, best time being there. So we crossed paths there.

Greg: 8:09

We met on a because you had been there for the whole weekend and then you stayed over to lead worship on Sunday morning. And we met kind of in the green room. I don't think we called it that, but that's basically what it was. Yeah. And then I think the next couple of times that you came was after I wasn't there anymore. Because my sexual addiction was exposed in early 09. And then the next time you and I talked was last month at rest. We were talking about that time that we met, and I said something about recovery, and your ears perked up. And I kind of thought that they might, just because I've been following your story over the past five years and really can't wait to talk about life and ministry and worship leading and worship following and recovery and addiction and all that, because I think there's a lot that the two of us have probably have to talk about.

Kristian Stanfill: 8:58

Yes, I agree. I agree, and I really appreciated your vulnerability just in our short conversation at rest. It's it's it's a weird way to say it, but it's kind of nice to run into other men in that that are in the recovery process, recovery road, because you you immediately feel like I've got a brother and you you understand the cost and the sacrifice.

Greg: 9:21

And some conversations you I don't know if you're like this, but when I get into them, I kind of do a quick check to to see how am I gonna need to show up in this conversation? Like, is this gonna be deep or is this gonna be shallow? Not that there's anything wrong with shallow conversations sometimes, but like what's this one gonna be like? And then when when I'm with people who lead with vulnerability, it's like, oh, okay, that's good.

Kristian Stanfill: 9:44

I'm home. Well, same, same.

Greg: 9:47

Well, before we jump into a whole lot of specific things, I would just love to know from you, Kristian, what do you really want out of this time we're gonna spend together?

Kristian Stanfill: 9:56

Well, you know, conversations like this are always mutually encouraging, I feel. I think that's part of why it's important to continue to share our stories and talk to other people because I think it will be encouraging for you and it will encourage me today to continue to choose good things, you know, to tell the story and to remember what i slash we have been delivered from. It inspires a continued pursuit of holiness and righteousness and sobriety. So that that is selfishly, that's what I love about these conversations. And then I also hope that somebody hears this and they can really see, like truly, that living with, walking with, pursuing Jesus is truly the greatest life. Following him, walking with him, and living in the light has been the most satisfying, most fulfilling, most exhilarating years of my life. And, you know, I've been walking, I've been in church most of my life. I would say I've been a Kristian for you know a long time, a believer. But, you know, there are those moments that you know, Paul writes about it in Corinthians. He says, when we behold him with unveiled faces, we go from glory to glory. And I feel like that's what my life has been the last five years. It's been one of those glory to glory moments where he's allowed me to see him more clearly. And I'm really grateful for that. So I hope somebody hears this and they go, I want that too. I want to see Jesus like that and behold him and worship him with my life.

Greg: 11:28

Well, Kristian, when when people hear your name, I think it's pretty common that an image comes to their mind of one of the guys on the stage at Passion, but that's just one little piece of who you are. And maybe if that's all people know about us, would say, Well, that's not even the main stuff about me. I'd love for people who listen to get to know you a little bit better, like where you came from, your family, just whatever you want to share that would help people listening get to know you better as a person. Yeah.

Kristian Stanfill: 11:58

Well, born and raised in Atlanta, I'm and I'm still here in Atlanta. So Atlanta boy. I'm married for 21 years to my wife, Carrie, but we have four kids. My son is 19, almost 19. My daughter, my daughters are 16, 13, and and 10. So four kids in the thick of it, having a great time.

Greg: 12:20

Yeah.

Kristian Stanfill: 12:20

That that is our life. You know, we're at Passion City Church. I love, love our church. I love leading at our church. I love our people. We're there every Sunday. I lead, I still lead a lot there. Write songs for passion, write songs for an artist expression too. And so a lot of creativity. And then, you know, I'm at a point in my life, I'm 42, and there are a lot of young guys coming up behind me and behind other worship leaders in our house. And so I spend time with those guys too, just talking less about songs and worship leading and more about heart and what kind of man are you becoming, and what what what are you treasuring above everything else? And that that I think is the most important thing. The songs and the leadership all flow out of that. So if we have a team of worship leaders that are worshippers first and loving Jesus with their whole hearts, everything else is gonna, you know, figure itself out, I think.

Greg: 13:16

Well, I'm curious about something. You know, you're 42, you've got all these young guys coming up now. I remember when you were that young guy, and and I remember like the evolution of like one passion album to the next. It's like there's a couple fewer with Chris Tomlin, there's a couple more with Kristian Stanfill, and and there are those those shifts and those transitions. Chris is doing okay. Yeah, he's ever heard of him? Chris is doing okay. He is a monster. But what I want to know from you is like what you're doing in investing in and pouring into some of these younger guys. Do you feel like you got that when you were that younger guy? Or is that something that you're now offering because it's something you wish you would have gotten more of? Or maybe both?

Kristian Stanfill: 15:28

Yeah, it's probably a little bit of both. You know, I I I've been surrounded by incredible leaders for a really long time. And they they have done a great job in their own way of passing all that they know down into my life. You know, when I was in high school, there are you know, guys that nobody has ever heard of named David David Peacock, who was my my youth pastor.

Greg: 15:51

My good running buddy.

Kristian Stanfill: 15:53

Okay, yeah. So yeah, you know, I do. David is is an is an incredible human and loves the Lord, and his family is so special to me and to Carrie. He married my wife and I. He officiated our wedding, and we still keep up. And he's the he saw leadership on my life before anyone else, you know, maybe my parents, but but but David was the first one to call it out. And then, you know, getting a little little bit older, guys like Todd Fields, who I'm still connected with through worship circle. And then, of course, Louie and I have been friends, and he's been my pastor now for 20 20 years.

Greg: 16:28

Talking for our listeners about Louis Giglio.

Kristian Stanfill: 16:30

Louis Giglio, yeah, Louie and Shelley Giglio both have been great friends and leaders for Carrie and I. And then Charlie Hall has been one of those guys. His voice is is so loud in my life in the best way, and he's given me so much uh leadership. And and so, and then Chris, you know, Tomlin, of course, he was at our church for a long time, and he he was so kind to bring me close and let me be a part of the songwriting process. He would take me and my band on tour and just let us be around and watch the way he was leading and crafting a set list or writing songs, and that was just invaluable, invaluable stuff. And so I I'm so grateful for all those people and and more. But for yeah, for me now, I think I'm taking all of that and and distilling it down and going, man, if I'm 42 and I'm looking into the future, going, who who's next? And what what do I want those those men and women to prize? I want them to treasure Jesus above everything else. And uh so that's that's what I'm that's what I'm trying to trying to trying to do now, you know.

Greg: 17:35

And you've been doing it for a long time while you were doing it, as while I was doing it for 15 years as a church worship pastor, there was other stuff going on that was that was inconsistent, that was under the surface, that was hidden. Can we talk about November 9th, 2020?

Kristian Stanfill: 17:54

Yeah, we can. Yeah.

Greg: 17:56

I I'm thinking about the big book that says our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we're like now. And so thinking about November 9th through that lens, I I would just love for us to be able to hear you talk about what were the things that led up to where you found yourself five years ago, November 9th, what happened, and then and then most importantly, what has life been like since then?

Kristian Stanfill: 18:21

Great. I love it. Well, I starts when I'm 30. So I you know, I had I had a band and we would travel around and lead to different events and conferences and things, and we did that for about almost a decade, and that felt very, very good to me. I was traveling with four of my best friends, we were leading worship, we were seeing God do amazing stuff everywhere we were going. It's like this is so great. More or less like doing okay. And then around 30, I stepped into more responsibility at Passion City Church, and that that chapter with with my band closed down, and I stepped into the worship pastor role at Passion City Church, and I found myself in a place, Greg, where I was so I felt so in over my head and so ill-equipped and a lot of insecurity. I didn't know how to lead a worship team. I didn't know how to answer the questions people had. People were leaving our team, and I took that pretty personally. People would come into my office. I had an office, that was weird. It's like I've never had an office before. And people would come and knock on my door and go, Hey, I need to talk to you. I have a question about X, Y, or Z. And I didn't have any answers. Like, I don't know. I don't know how to do this. And instead of saying that, what I just said, I don't know how to do this, I need help. I just internalized all of that.

Greg: 19:42

Yep.

Kristian Stanfill: 19:43

And I had all these feelings of I'm failing, I'm I'm coming up short, I'm letting people down. I do want to say before going further, this is this, I just I take full responsibility for for the way that I responded to all of those feelings. Sure. But in that was really painful. And so to to cope with that, I started drinking more and more. And it felt good to to numb the pain. It sounds very cliche, but that's exactly what I was doing. I was just trying to eject from from those feelings of failure. And that started a really unhealthy pattern in my life. And then, you know, as it goes with, you know, alcohol, it just you need more and more and more and more and more, you know. And then it gets to the point where it's like, you know, well, now I gotta, I need to hide it. And so now there's this whole deceptive duplicitous thing going on. And everyone kind of like my wife and my friends, they they knew like something's not right, like something's not okay. But I would fight it, I would quit, I would start again, I would quit, I would start again. It was just, you know, back and forth. And then yeah, November 9th was the day it just it all hit the fan, man. It was it was a pretty traumatic, dramatic rock bottom moment for me and my wife, and I had two of my best friends, Bryson and Jeff, came and sat me down in my front yard and basically kicked my butt, like in the best way. They were like, hey man, this is this isn't okay. We love you too much, man, to watch you do this to your life and your family. And we're we're uh we're not leaving here until we have a plan. And so that was the night I drew a line in the sand and was like, I I can never drink again. I just don't have the moderation thing. Like I just I'm just not equipped with the moderation. Button.

Greg: 21:29

Real quick before we move past the past the front yard, while they were confronting, intervening, oh yeah, lovingly coming in, as you said, kicking your butt.

Kristian Stanfill: 21:42

Yeah.

Greg: 21:43

What do you remember was going through your brain? Were you still an addict brain at that moment, just trying to find a way out, trying to find a quick escape hatch from this pressure that was coming in? Or what was it like for you?

Kristian Stanfill: 21:57

Yeah, I mean, my mind was I was still swimming. You know, I probably still had alcohol in my system, and my body was craving a drink, I'm sure. And I'm trying, I'm still, I remember that night, I'm still telling almost like the whole truth, but not the whole truth.

Greg: 22:14

Yeah.

Kristian Stanfill: 22:14

But I also knew it was really interesting, man. I I don't even really know how to articulate it, but it was like there was this presence there in that front yard meeting that was like kind of helping me say the most important thing, which was I have a problem and I need to stop. That was the most true thing I said that night.

Greg: 22:36

Was that the first time you'd ever said it, even to yourself?

Kristian Stanfill: 22:39

Yeah, probably.

Greg: 22:42

Yeah.

Kristian Stanfill: 22:42

Because I think to say that out loud is is a real that's a real admission. And that, you know, that means there's gotta be a a response to that admission.

Greg: 22:51

Something has to come after this.

Kristian Stanfill: 22:52

Yeah. And so, and I'm saying it to other people, and so now I'm accountable to what I'm saying. So that was the first time I and I really did feel like I had help from heaven that night saying that out loud. And something really beautiful happened after that night, and it it taught me a real great lesson about the resources of God that are for us because when I made that decision to stop drinking and I drew that line, I felt, I mean, I call it a miracle now, but before that night, I could never have imagined going a day without a drink. I could never imagine a season of life where I wouldn't drink. It was just this, I was so dependent on it. It was true addiction, and and I loved it. But after that night, I felt a tremendous amount of strength and wind and grace come toward me and through me to take this step of obedience. And I discovered that night that there is a grace and a strength apportioned for us when we when we step in obedience into what God is asking us to step into. And for the last five years, that grace has continued and that strength has continued. And I still, I'm not saying it has been easy, it has not. There's still times where I feel I have those feelings of failure, or I feel insecure, or something doesn't go like I think it should, or I get tired, and I want to run to that.

Greg: 24:24

There are body and your nervous system still remember that path that they used to take.

Kristian Stanfill: 24:29

Yes. So that's still that still happens, and I have to be honest about that with the people in my life, but I have felt a tremendous amount of of help from God, and that's not you know platitudes or empty words. I I'm I'm it's is it's a miracle, it's an absolute miracle that I've experienced.

Greg: 24:49

So good. So what were some of the immediate follow-ups that you accepted and that you surrendered to in your life in those early days of recovery?

Kristian Stanfill: 25:00

Well, first things, my friends took all the alcohol out of my house. I mean, all of it. And that I was honest about I I brought them everything, all the hidden stuff. So no more alcohol in the house. That was like real tactile, practical in the moment. Then I knew that I needed to I needed to tell my pastors. So I called Louie and Shelly, and I let them know what was going on, which was a really hard phone call. Because, you know, I it's again back to the the the performance for love. The the last thing I want to do is let my pastor down.

Greg: 25:36

Right.

Kristian Stanfill: 25:36

And he responded with so much grace and so much love, and just we are here with you and for you, and we're gonna we're gonna figure this out with you. He and Shelly both showed up in incredible ways throughout the process. It did mean that my job changed, you know. I've I like kind of like you, I I am no longer the worship pastor at our church. I'm one of the worship leaders at our church, but I'm not the day-to-day guy anymore. That happened, you know, around that time. But after that, I I went to an intensive, it's like a week-long intensive that dealt specifically with addiction. It was super helpful for me because I'd never heard anyone talk about like, here's what's going on in your brain. Like scientifically, biologically, here's what's going on. I never heard of the you know, the shame spiral. I had never heard of any of this. This was all groundbreaking stuff to me. And now it just feels like such a part of my life. But at the time, I was like, this is so helpful. I didn't know this is what's been going on in my life for the last several years.

Greg: 26:40

You know, I've noticed that when other people have the lights turned on like that, that this is what's been present. I have I have been around people whose reactions or responses to that were all over the board. For some of them, it was like, oh, thank God. Like, you know, it all makes sense now. And some of them get really angry. Like, why didn't anybody freaking tell me this? You know?

Kristian Stanfill: 27:04

Yeah.

Greg: 27:05

And where were all where were all these people, you know? And like I've come to realize that there weren't as many people talking about this when I started recovery almost 17 years ago. But there were some people out there, I just wasn't looking for them because my whole focus was internal, keeping the secret, keeping it from coming out. But but I just say that because whatever people feel when this rush of new understanding about what's been going on comes in, try to try to just let it be what it is. I mean, for some people it's really freeing. Other people, it can we can go through some anger with that, and that's okay.

Kristian Stanfill: 27:41

Yes, yes. Yeah, for me it was more relief. You know, I I I just became a like a sponge soaking up all this new information. Like, thank you. This is you know so great to know what's been going on. And I came home from that intensive and then pretty much went dark for two years. I call this part of my life just a long walk with God. That's what it was like. I would go on literal, long walks and just listen. I would talk to God, I would write songs. I was writing a lot in that period of time, which became the record make it out alive. Right. And just uh writing throughout the whole recovery process. And then about two years in, I I felt like it was time to talk about it. And I did that really prayerfully and I sought a lot of wisdom on that. But honestly, Greg, I I had just I was so to say it, you know, strongly, I was just pissed off at hell. I felt like hell had taken so much from me. Yeah, yeah, but the Lord was restoring it, and I I knew I knew that hell was taking so much from so many other people and lying to so many other people, and and they felt alone in it. They felt isolated, like they were the only ones. Like I felt like I was the only one. And I thought, man, I just want to blow that whole thing up and go, this is me. This was my struggle for a long time, but God is delivering me and He can deliver you too. And that that was why I I finally came out with it. And you get to the point where I'm sure you you feel this too, where you're just like, I don't, I just don't, I don't care, who knows? Yeah, I don't I don't care. I don't care that people know that this is a a real ugly, dark part of of my story.

Greg: 29:27

Yeah.

Kristian Stanfill: 29:28

One, because we all have dark parts of our story that that Jesus needs to shine on and and touch down in. But two, it means freedom for me and for other people. So that's why I love talking about it.

Greg: 29:40

Yeah. I mean, for me, the genesis point of the recovery story was a little bit different in that mine was pretty public. You know, one week I'm there, and then the next week I'm not there, and there's a statement being read, you know, in front of the whole church. And so, I mean, sure, I had a choice as to how much of that story I was gonna tell myself versus just let people kind of allow me to fade into obscurity. But the thing that I was experiencing in those early days was just I was 38 when all of this broke. So about the same age, I think I guess if you're 42 now, you were 37. I was 37. Right. So about that same time frame, I had been living my life with a secret for so daggum long that it was so wonderful to not have that anymore that I really didn't care who knew, you know? Wow. And I just wanted to be known. And and I realized that as I was letting myself be known, that was what I'd always wanted, you know, because any addiction that we chase after and develop in our lives, I think it's because we're really looking for connection. We want to know and be known and we want to have intimacy. And and when we run to addiction, it's because there's some part of us that doesn't think that we deserve it or get to have it, or there's some wound that says this isn't gonna go well. And so I'm gonna, I'm gonna go sideways and try to get it another way for myself. And it works, and then it doesn't work.

Kristian Stanfill: 31:05

It works until it doesn't.

Greg: 31:07

And sometimes it even works as it's starting not to, you know. I I have a question though about something you shared about Louis and about Passion City. I I just wonder if you've ever thought how your early recovery would have gone if Louie and Shelly hadn't responded the way that they did. You know, and and and even like how the shift from your position the way it was to what it is now would have felt had their response not been as grace-filled as it was. Have you ever thought about how it could have gone?

Kristian Stanfill: 31:42

Gosh, I don't know if I have ever thought about it. I think right when you asked that question, my first thought is I would have felt in that moment they're totally justified. Right. To to respond that way because a shame. A shame? And how could you? How dare you? You know, we have given you this opportunity to lead in our church and to lead at these conferences, and and this was going on behind the scenes. I'm gonna have to call you back because I'm just angry. You know, that that I felt like that could have been a very justified response.

Greg: 32:16

Is it almost like maybe that would have been easier to take in that immediate moment than the grace?

Kristian Stanfill: 32:21

In that moment, maybe I think I was kind of half expecting, you know. Well, I say that, but you know, to be truthful, I know I've known Louie for so long. And I think I knew in my heart of hearts, like I know, I know what's coming. I know there's gonna be an embrace. Yeah. Because I know who Louie and Shelly are. I have known for a long time. But what their reaction allowed me to do was to receive grace and go through the recovery process, knowing I've got these amazing people in my corner who are who are praying, they're helping, they're involved, they're around, and they're they they're just patient. There, there, there's no rush, there's no, well, you better figure this thing out and call us when you're done. It's like we're just here. And that allowed me to just it allowed me to go for a walk with God for two years and then do and and process in his timing and in the and and go through it in a good way and I and in the right way. So I'm really grateful for their response.

Greg: 33:21

And I am too, and I'm grateful for what that response led to because again, no, we're we're talking about something that happened in November, we're talking in November. November, almost to the day, two years after that front yard conversation, you released Make It Out Alive. Yeah. And and for first, I just want to tell you that's been a record I keep going back to again and again and again, not only because I just love it, but because it's so connected with what we do, you know, through Awaken. Uh, we just had a men's intensive a couple of weekends ago, and Andy Gullah usually is there to play music, but he wasn't able to come to this one. And so I did a few songs, and one of them that I did was Make It Out Alive. Oh, wow. And those men were like, where is that song from? When you've got these these songs are like recovery journal entries that are that are just injected with the gospel, and that's amazing. Wow, man. And I think I told you when we were talking at rest about the artistry of the song Change You from Make It Out Alive, and how in that last verse, you know, you say, I was sitting down in a hole, I dug out for myself. After years of bad decisions, I was in the pit of hell, looking up from the bottom, I heard my friends and Jesus say, We're not gonna let you stay the same. I knew I'd never be the same. And and that's you know, when you when you wrote that, and then I hear you talking about the your two friends sitting down in in the front yard with you, like that rem that reminds me of the first conversation I had sitting down at lunch with a man I was gonna ask to be my sponsor. When I told him my whole story, because he needed to have all the gory details to know what he was getting himself into if he said yes. I looked up because I think our natural posture when we're being honest about this initially is to look down. When I looked up, he was crying and he was loving and he said, I'm so sorry you had to carry that all by yourself for so long. And I'm so I'm so proud of you, and I've never been more proud to be your friend. And yes, I will walk with you. And I realized that it wasn't just my friend telling me that, it was Jesus, you know, and he he was channeling my friend to tell me what he really wanted my heart to hear. It sounds like that was your experience too.

Kristian Stanfill: 36:24

Oh, yes, yes, yeah. Jesus showed up in my story through a lot of different people. Gosh, what a beautiful, what a beautiful thing, your friend to extend that is just wow, thank you, Lord. Yeah, some things in life they come and go, they're here and just like that, they'll go, they fade into the real view. Other times you grab a pill, you write it down, so you never forget the time and place it hits you. There are days you just make it through, and there are moments that change you.

Greg: 37:16

So, what have been some moments that have changed you over the past five years?

Kristian Stanfill: 37:21

Oh man, um a lot of moments. I think um some stand out. The first year, you know, maybe you had this a similar experience. The first year was the hardest year for me, just in terms of choosing sobriety, because you know, you're doing everything for the first time without a drink. Birthdays, holidays, vacations. And so that first year, you know, felt like a real fight. But I remember my wife and I went away for my 38th birthday. So I got sober in November and then April of that next year. My wife and I were at the beach together, and I woke up early and I went for a run. Gosh, makes me emotional. I went for a run, and then I just went and sat on the beach and I watched the sun come up. And it was the first, my first birthday that I'd woken up in a long time without a hangover or any kind of regret from the night before. And I just remember the sun coming up and just feeling God's love and kindness just washed over me on that beach. And I just sat there like I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be here. But by your grace I am, and that was that was a moment I'll never forget. And um I remember going back to the hotel room and you know, telling my wife about it and just saying, gosh, I'm just so thankful. I'm just so happy that this is my life now. And and so I think, you know, moments like that, you know, my kids' birthdays, family events, and being fully present, and just being being available to to the moment and going, like, I don't need to it, I don't need any any help here. I'm just here. So I think I think those those moments really stand out, you know, and then and then to see what it's done in in my wife and I's relationship, you know, we are we are we're not perfect, but we are better than we've ever been. And so much trust has been rebuilt. We laugh together, we cry together, we seek God together, and we're on mission together now. And for a long time I felt like she was she was running that race alone.

Greg: 39:38

So first off, thank you for sharing that.

Kristian Stanfill: 39:41

Yeah.

Greg: 39:43

It occurs to me that some of the other moments that changed you that you talk about in the song, you know, fishing with your grandfather and meeting Carrie at college and getting married and the birth of your son, the some of the ones you're describing now, Kristian, they're not like those big highlight life moments. And what it m what it tells me is like when when the calibration of being able to stay present more of the time is happening, yeah, it doesn't take as big of a thing to be a changing moment, does it?

Kristian Stanfill: 40:19

No, no, that's right. It is so cool. And in fact, you know, my like you said, my son is away in college and he came home a couple weekends ago and he brought five friends home with him, his like his roommates, and they came home, and so he's here with all the boys, and then my three girls are here, and Saturday morning, we're making pancakes, and and they're all at the table and they're laughing and eating, and I just looked at my wife and I was like, this is everything, this is the good life. This, these are the moments that make me the happiest. And you're right, and it's just we're just having pancakes, but these little moments, it's like you see the the glory and the many of which we did.

Greg: 41:01

Yes. Well, it's just occurring to me. I'm looking at my calendar because the day this episode is gonna come out is gonna be January 6th. Wow. Which that was my fan day, the day that it hits the fan. Oh, wow. January 6th, 2009 was the day that I got exposed. And the thing that is so significant, you talked about how much different your relationship with Carrie is. I mean, same with Stacy and me. Our anniversary is just a good one. January 4th. It hit the fan two days after our 17th anniversary. And this January, we will cross over 17 years healthy after the first 17 years that weren't. Wow. We have been looking forward to January of 2026 for a long time.

Kristian Stanfill: 41:46

Wow, man. That's big time. Congratulations, man.

Greg: 41:49

This is a good way to celebrate that day, talking to you.

Kristian Stanfill: 41:53

Wow. Man, I feel honored to be talking to you today.

Greg: 41:57

It's a good thing.

Kristian Stanfill: 41:58

Beautiful, man. Praise God. And here's to 17 more.

Greg: 42:02

Yeah. So you were talking about Todd Fields earlier in Worship Circle. And something I didn't tell you was I got on with Todd before this conversation to record a little bit of him talking about you. Oh, wow. And yeah, so I've I've gotten into listening to Amy Polar's new podcast, and she does that. So I'm just robbing a good idea. Cool idea. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, but but Todd just had some wonderful things to say about you. If you listen back to this later, you'll hear it. It'll be at the beginning. But I asked him if he had any questions that he wanted me to ask you. So this is what he said. He he was just talking about how you're so very good at leading people to lift their eyes to Jesus and to the cross. And the question is, Kristian, how do you keep that going from day to day? Like what are you looking at in your daily practices and rhythms that enables you to stay authentic about that passion for Jesus that everybody sees when you're up on stage?

Kristian Stanfill: 43:00

Man, that's a beautiful question. It's kind of everything, honestly. Yeah, I think for me it it's been the the daily walking and talking with Jesus and just being with him. And you know, I set aside time in the morning to get in his word, to meditate on his word, let his word search me, you know, not not try to get his word under my will, but put his word above my will, if that makes sense. And so that that's uh you know really important daily practice. But for me, it's it's it's that it's the daily friendship and the pursuit of of Jesus. And and I think what the last five years has taught me is just how to keep it real, how to keep it real with him and how to keep it real with other people. And so I, you know, I've just learned like I mean, just to real time, yesterday I was really struggling with some some intrusive thoughts about some stuff going on in my world. And I was, you know, thinking about the way this other thing was working out, and I was, you know, kind of my pride was hurt about the whole thing. And I just had to I had to say that out loud to him. I was like, I was like, Lord, this is my pride, isn't it? Like that's that's not you, that's kind of ugly, and I need help with that because I I don't want to think that way. And I just I feel him rush into those moments when you take the mask off. I feel him rush in, I feel him so near. And so learning to do that, you know, day to day, you know, the the biggest thing is is just beholding him and worshiping him and being a worshiper first, you know, and letting all of life overflow from just beholding Jesus. And, you know, when you behold him, there's no shortage of of worship, there's no shortage of a song of praise or a prayer of thanks, you know, when you when you see him for who he is. And so I think, you know, as a worship leader, uh you just learning to let that overflow from your life when you get up to lead people. It's like I'm just I'm gonna do what I've been doing in private all week, and I want to just lead other people to do that, you know? So it's it's just sort of a just a continuation of what's been going on. So that that that's been the rhythm that I've I've been I've been trying to learn over the last five years.

Greg: 45:29

That rhythm of spending time in his presence, you know, and and and the more time we spend with someone, the closer and the safer the relationship becomes, the more vulnerable we can be. And when you have some of those intrusive thoughts, and when you have even some of the thoughts about him, then there's a safety to just not having to sugarcoat it. And I'm wondering if that's any of what fed into a song like Say It That Way. I want to talk in a minute just about your new record because as we're talking, it's just been out a week. And uh and and one of the songs that you released as a single was Say It That Way.

Kristian Stanfill: 46:07

Did you wake up this morning and wish that you hadn't? Is it day after day of depression and sadness? Does it feel like you live in the valley of darkness? When you pray, say it that way. Command you speak from your heart, it's not about the perfect place. Yeah, live cry out in the dark, don't hold back, you can take it. If you're ready to be honest, cause it's too hard to be fake. When you pray, say it that way.

Greg: 47:02

How did that one come about?

Kristian Stanfill: 47:04

Um, it actually it came about because of everything I was just I was just talking about. I mean, yeah, just learning how to say it the way you would say it in a conversation, you know. And I think growing up in church and being in religious environments for a long time, there's a certain tone and a certain language that you start to think you have to take when you pray or when you talk to people. And I just felt like over the last five years, the Lord was like, just talk to me. Just talk to me. I yes, I I am holy and I am other and I am righteous and I'm high and I'm exalted, but I'm also a friend and and I'm well acquainted with what you're going through. I've I I've been to Earth before. I lived on the earth, I know what it's like. So just talk to me. So that's what I I started to to learn that rhythm with him and with other people. And then, you know, all of those that language and those verses are very personal. They come from very close friends that were going through certain things in their life, and and walking with those friends through those difficult things and sitting in in the tough parts of life and not trying to fix it, and just sitting there with them and going. Sometimes it's just that's the best thing you can do is just sit there and wrap your arms around them and go, I love you. I'm just gonna cry with you. And so that that's that's where the song came from.

Greg: 48:28

Well, it's off of a record called Come to Jesus. It's something I noticed, and I don't know if this is just me or if it's something that was an intention, but so much of your music since you've been recording has been very vertically focused. You know, congregational songs that people can take into their places in their context of worship and sing to God and to each other about God. And then make it a lie was a very, I mean, it wasn't devoid of verticality, but it was a very horizontal record too. And this one seems to have really some sweetness in both of those. Is that something you had in mind, or is that just a happy coincidence that I noticed?

Kristian Stanfill: 49:03

I think it's probably just a reflection of what the last couple of years have been like. You know, there's been a lot of testifying to God's grace and God's goodness and the deliverance that I'm I've experienced. But also, you know, I just want to praise him. And I I I do, I want to say you're just that good. Like that song was such a overflow of just going, like, you saved my life, like you're just that good, you know. And then a lot of it is autobiographical. You know, there's a lot of you know, the story in there. But what what I hoped people would see, and when I started turning these songs in, our record label was kind of like, what are we doing here? Because make it Make It Out Alive was not this, you know, make it out alive was very singer-songwriter conversational. And these songs you're turning in, they're kind of like a little rambunctious, and it's it's got a country vibe, and some of it's and and I was I was like, okay, look we know what to do with this and we know what to do with that, but I'm not really sure what to do with this. How do we yeah, and just and just explaining to them and hopefully uh you know helping other people see like make it out alive was that was at the very beginning of this journey, and I was basically climbing out of that pit, writing these songs. But God's grace doesn't leave you there, he moves you on, like it moves you forward, like the gospel progression of life is onward, like we are moved onward, like out of our brokenness and into a a whole life, like he makes us whole.

Greg: 50:33

This is what I get after I get pulled out of the pit.

Kristian Stanfill: 50:36

That's it, that's it, yes. And so I was like, I just I want it to feel like a life that's been resurrected. Yeah, and so that's that's what you hear.

Greg: 50:46

Yeah, you know, when when people who have come out of stories of addiction are singing songs like you have on the come to Jesus record, it's almost like, oh, like that that just seems really, really happy. Like, yeah. Yeah, that's yeah with this this is a process that God works through, and that's that's what we want. I mean, we don't do recovery for recovery's sake, we do recovery so that we can get back to the life that we were meant to live.

Kristian Stanfill: 51:15

Keep moving.

Greg: 51:16

Yeah, that's what it's what to me that it sounds like these songs are about.

Kristian Stanfill: 51:20

Yeah, and it makes me really happy for the next few years to go like, all right, Lord, where where do we go from here? What what do you have next? And you know, I've I've said this before, but you know, uh it's important to say that the sobriety thing, it's not my identity. It's not, I I don't walk around with a flag, yeah, you know, being like, hey guys, sober, you know. I it is definitely a part of my story though, so I'll keep talking about it. But I hope the lead story in my life is that Jesus is alive in that guy. Like the light of the world shines through that guy. And and it's so clear to people that that I've been with God. That's what I hope people see. Like, wow, that guy, he's been with God. Like we can see it on his face, we can see it when he when he sings and the songs that he writes and the way he loves his family. And I hope that even just my life testifies to the to how good it is to walk and talk with him.

Greg: 52:13

And Jesus has always been there. And now what sobriety gives us is that all the stuff that was getting in the way of us being able to fully experience that, it has the chance to get out of the way. So that's right. So that we can realize, oh, you have been here all along. And you're calling me to walk with you and to and to have all the benefits of what I got when you raised me up and seated me right there with Jesus in the heavenly places.

Kristian Stanfill: 52:40

So that's right.

Greg: 52:41

It's cool to hear you talk about that. I think a lot of times when because I spend a lot of time in recovery contexts where there are a whole lot of people who are still either just climbing out of the pit or keep kind of tripping and falling back into it and don't really have that hopeful perspective yet. And can and it can just sound like a pipe dream or something that's for somebody else. So I really hope that was as people listen to what we talked about today, that they're gonna hear somebody who, you know, just five years ago, that's where you were. And and yeah, we get it. We get having that perspective, but stay in it, you know, because this is what God does when we surrender to a power greater than ourselves who can restore our lives to sanity.

Kristian Stanfill: 53:24

It's exactly right. It's exactly right. Yeah. And that that would be my encouragement to people is to seek him. And when you seek him, you will find him. And when you find him and see him, it will change you. Like what you see in him, you know, he's he he has a long history of finding the people who are looking for him. He wants to be found. So if all you can do today is just make a turn toward him, do that, and he will meet you there. As soon as you turn around, you go, Oh, like you said, he's but you've been here the whole time. I just had to turn around.

Greg: 53:58

Yeah.

Kristian Stanfill: 53:58

So I just encourage people to do that.

Greg: 54:00

Chrisha, this has been great. I can't believe it's been almost an hour. It's it's really easy talking to brothers who've experienced similar things, but I really am grateful for you taking some time telling this story that I know you've told in a lot of different places, but so that our listeners can hear it. And just I think it's always good for me to reflect on the way things were and to remember that that's not the way they are anymore.

Kristian Stanfill: 54:25

Praise God.

Greg: 54:26

Yeah, yeah.

Kristian Stanfill: 54:27

And thank you, man. Thank you for having the conversation and and congratulations to you on 17 years, man. That is an inspiration. So thank you. It's it's encouraging me today.

Greg: 54:37

Oh, we all get there one day at a time, don't we?

Kristian Stanfill: 54:40

One day, one step.

Greg: 54:41

Kristian, God bless you, brother. Thank you so much. Can't wait for the next time we talk.

Kristian Stanfill: 54:45

Thank you. Same, Greg. Thank you.